The Ronnie Rating

My grading scale is all based upon my favorite actress Veronica “Ronnie” Lake.  Each film will be given a rating on the Ronnie Rating scale from a 1/2 a Ronnie to a full 5 Ronnie’s.  A full number and a half will be given to films that fall between two ratings.

5Ronnis A five Ronnie rating goes to the best of the best.  Films that get a perfect five are ones I flat out loved.  I must be willing to buy it, have seen it several times, and/or consider it a work of true cinematic genius.

4HalfRonnis

Four and a half Ronnie’s goes to a film that’s just close to perfect, but not there yet.  My issues with films that get this rating are nitpicks, but do bother me from pushing it towards the perfect five Ronnie’s.

4Ronnis

A movie gets four Ronnie’s if I really liked it.  It’s not the best film, and I can understand why people don’t like it, but it has either wonderful characters, a great script, and/or fun one-liners.  If I quote a movie a lot, but I complain about the plot, it generally gets a four Ronnie’s.  I’d watch a four Ronnie movie many times, but I’d be surprised once I discover I don’t own it.  I’ve probably rented it several times though.  These are the films I love, but I’ll only notice I don’t own them until I actively look for it to watch.

3HalfRonnies

A film that nabs three and a half Ronnie’s is great, but not really good.  I generally loved these films upon first viewing, and can tell you the plot and why I liked it, but I struggle to remember the fine details.  Films here are ones that I’ve usually had hyped to me, and enjoyed, but I’m mostly happy to have crossed them off the list of “must-see’s.”

3Ronnis

Three Ronnie’s the “liked it” rating.  It’s good, nothing more.  It just is.  A three-Ronnie rating goes a film I’d watch if nothing else was on, one I could fall asleep to.  It’s a familiar movie to me, but one I would say is forgettable unless I’m a die-hard fan of the actors or director.  It could also be a film I feel I didn’t pay enough attention to, and would watch later on down the line.  If I mention that I wasn’t “in the mood” for what I’m watching, it’ll get a three-Ronnie.

2HalfRonnies

2.5 Ronnie’s go to ones that have that little something that keeps them from entering crap territory.  It might have a particular actor/actress I enjoy seeing, one big cool set piece, or maybe an interesting story that gets lost somewhere.  The movie as a whole isn’t good, and I wouldn’t watch it again, but that one little thing that was really cool kept me from casting the film aside as a whole.

2Ronnis

A film gets two-Ronnie’s if I didn’t like it.  Movies graded at a two-Ronnie rating are ones I feel bad I wasted my time with, but I won’t get physically angry or start berating it to others.  I’ll criticize poor acting, story, or massive plot-holes, but films can also get a two-Ronnie for shoving blatant messages down my throat.  An annoying character can bring a film down to a two-Ronnie if I particularly hated anytime said actor was on-screen.  I would not own a film rated at this level, or rewatch them unless some asked.  Essentially, two-Ronnie’s is crap, but not garbage.

1andHalfRonnis

A one and a 1/2 Ronnie is rare, mostly because it’s separating garbage from just plain bad and that’s always a hard choice to make.  I’ll give a film this rating if it had the camera focused and the actors trying to be genuine.

1Ronni

The lone Ronnie is given to a film where I’m angry at the end.  I’ve spent the entire runtime complaining about watching it, wanting to turn it off/leave the theater, and physically feel drained.  Films that get a lone Ronnie make me want to punch something.  In order to get the single Ronnie the plot has to be terrible, the acting must be atrocious, something should be offensive, and I ask who this movie was made for.  I won’t watch a single Ronnie rated film ever, no matter who’s in it.

HalfRonni

A half of a Ronnie is another rare rating, and one I would reserve for the worst of the worst.  A half-Ronnie also goes to any film so terrible I didn’t even finish it.  Again, this is rare.

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